In honour of Mother's Day, I wanted to post my blog a day early, so that I could give a shout out to all of the Mother's, the Grandmothers, and the nurturers of the world, and also to our beautiful Great Mother Gaia, that supports all life. During this pandemic our dear planet has been taking a break and some much needed rejuvenating. Even the wildlife have come out of hiding to see where all the humans have gone! I also wish a Happy Mother's Day to the father's who take on the challenge and lovingly play both roles. I have been blessed to have many wonderful women in my life that have filled this role over the years, and perhaps even likely more than most. Each of the Mother's in my life hold a very special place in my heart, and I send out my love to you all today <3 Each one of you has had a part in shaping me into the woman I am today. Some of the lessons that some of you have shared with me have made me stronger and more resilient than ever. I am a better person for the influence you have each had on me. Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for supporting and believing in me. Thank you for challenging me. Thank you for encouraging me when I lost my way. Thank you for the hugs, the kisses, the I love yous, the bedtime stories, the crying shoulders, the listening ears, the words of wisdom, and unwavering support. Your belief in me holds me up, especially so on the days that I don't believe in myself. Thank you all for your loving support <3 My heart and soul are full of love and respect to each of you today. <3
When I first decided to start telling these GotW stories, I knew there would be challenges as some stories are harder to tell than others. In order to keep things as real as possible when I share the interactions I have with my herd, I just keep everything coming from my heart and it becomes so much easier. Perhaps some things I share may make people scoff, or even laugh at me, but I hope that in the balance of everything, the scales tip towards making hearts lighter and smiles bigger with what I share. I have learned that no matter what you do in life, there will always be someone ready to knock you down, so always be true to yourself no matter what. I have not kept it secret that I have been going through some things and struggling lately, but I have not shared why as of yet. There is not a single person on the planet that isn't going through something during this pandemic. I think stress, depression and collective emotional trauma are at an all time high on a global scale. This is MY blog though. I created it as a outlet and my personal space for doing just this. Anyone can create a blog and I welcome others to do so :) If I am to hold true to me and my mission then that means I must be my true, vulnerable and authentic self, so I shall share. I was recently knocked down hard by someone I have loved and trusted as a best friend for a good portion of my life. Some days I am tempted to turn bitter and let it change me, but I won't. My heart was deeply broken by this person that I thought was incapable of such hurt towards me, and I am still shocked to even write it weeks later. My open heart sure is a great big target sometimes. The lockdown, shutting my business doors and the loss of my best friend all happened simultaneously, which to be quite honest, led me into the darkest depression I've been in for years. This time around it is much different though, as I am now in possession of some very powerful tools to help me through the dark days. Feeling the difference as I process through my emotions, I now stand in a place of self love and that makes all the difference in the world. I am actually in awe and proud of how much stronger I am this time around. I KNOW I am a good person and someone else's opinion of me is no concern of mine. I will stay true to me and my heart. I KNOW I was a good friend, and I have no regrets for the wonderful years we shared. I've come to a point in my life where I am no longer tolerant of BS. Perhaps I should have gotten here sooner, but this lesson will not be one I forget. Besides, there is no time like the present to learn from past mistakes and set new and clear boundaries moving forward, and so I shall! :)
OK well enough of that! In order to make this Mother's Day post make sense, I guess I should get on with it eh? One of the Mother's I was addressing above is actually also this weeks GotW. My dear Soleil, whom I very lovingly refer to as "My Mamacita", is literally one of my most dearest herd members. She is who I go to when I am in need of deep comfort. When I sit with her, I feel like I am surrounded by ALL of the Mother's of my heart. Her heart is special, and she has a very unique gift that I am still trying to unlock and explore, which I will explain in greater detail later.
My dear, sweet Soleil was born on July 21, 2014. She was born during the darkest point in my life, a few short months after my husband passed away. I actually have very few memories of the months between when Geordon died and Soleil was born. My memories are also hazy due to the PTSD, but that time in my life was very GREY. That may sound strange to someone who has never lived through a dark depression but to those that have this will resonate. It is like nothing exists, or like your watching your life through a veil or fog. For me at that time there was no light, no laughter, no joy. Just mediocrity. Every single day for months. Other babies were born before Soleil that year, and they were all lovely and amazing, but it wasn't until Soleil was born that I think life came back into my body. Other than when my son was born, I can't recall any creature, up to that point in my life that captivated me so completely. Soleil was given her name because she became the sun that shone through my depression. She brought colour, taste and smell back into my life. This sweet little angel, born from a living miracle (SRM Neveah), was so pure and innocent, as she explored our backyard world. Her joyful jumps and endless playful nature, mixed with her constant need for lap cuddles, slowly but surely brought me back to life again. I mean really...lol Look at that face! When it come to spoiled goats in my herd, this one right here is very close to the top. When my Mamacita calls, I come running!
I should also mention that my son Daniel is also very securely bonded with this little Mamma. Right from birth, we both knew she was special and we immediately began a war over who she loved more. Animals don't know such silliness, and she loves us both of course lol. In the years since, my son and I both agree that Mamacita has a heart that is too big for just the two of us to love. The connections she makes with clients and visitors to our farm continually blow my mind. Not only in this little lady the embodiment of "Grandmother Energy", but she also has a way of looking right through to the heart of your problems and even into your soul. I wasn't kidding when I said that while I sit with her I feel the energy of all of the Mothers and Grandmothers surround me. I have listened to many stories from visitors about how while sitting with Soleil, they felt the presence of their recently deceased, beloved mothers and grandmothers so often now that I can no longer consider it a coincidence. I am always open to whatever comes out of each visitor experience to the farm. In my line of training (FEEL) there is a phrase we all commonly say, and it is so true - "You can't make this shit up". Among my FEEL community, I am as normal as they come - well perhaps not actually, considering the rest spend all their time with horses, while I spend mine mostly with goats, although I work with horses too. As a FEEL Practitioner, I believe that all living creatures have sentience, thoughts, feelings and wisdom to share. From a connected heart space, there is a profound amount of communication that can occur. Some of my goats are as gifted in this mode of communication as the amazing horses that my FEEL community partners work with on a daily basis. Soleil is no exception and I feel that her gifts are far superior to many others in my herd. Aside from the moments of connection with "Mother" energy, Soleil also seems to have a gift for unlocking peoples hearts to allow the free flowing of emotions. For such a teeny tiny little goat, she sure does have the biggest heart! Did I mention that Soleil stands 16" tall and weighs only 60 pounds? So tiny!
I describe Soleil as "everyone's Mama" and I think that is really indicative of the energy she exudes. So loving, caring and nurturing, she is also very quick to scold or chastise you if she feels you deserve it. This is one little goat that I will always defer to, or drop everything for. When I sit in meditation with her, the persona that comes across to me is that of a little old Mexican Grandmother, hence the nickname Mamacita <3 As the maternal genetic line Soleil carries goes right back to the very beginning of my breeding program, it is important that certain lines carry on and therefore the decision was made for Soleil to become a real Mamma! In 2016 she gave birth to SRM Star Trek, a single doe kid. Then in 2017 Soleil shocked me when she gave birth to Sky River Meadows first set of quadruplets! Well that was a jump! Apparently her first year was just practice lol. As you can see from the picture above, this little family is small in size indeed! With the exception of SRM Star Trek, the rest of Soleil's kids actually fall under the category of "dwarf dwarf", dwarfism within a dwarf breed. Bilbo, Raen and even Galadriel and her sister Rosie Cotton to an extent, all have inherited this very tiny stature, which makes them unsuitable for breeding for safety reasons. Fortunately for me and them, I have the perfect job for these teeny tiny goats! <3 ;)
Shortly after giving birth to her quads, Soleil became ill with some odd and ever changing symptoms. After months of testing and multiple biopsies, Soleil was diagnosed with an auto immune disorder. She has been retired from breeding for this reason, and now I can focus on combating her symtoms as they arise. Soleil goes through outbreaks about 6 to 8 times a year. Now that I recognize that it is often an allergic reaction to insect bites that starts the cycle, I try to be extra diligent with her through the different season to ensure she is as protected as possible. Living in Muskoka our livestock have to deal with pests throughout all season. Lice and mites are common in the winter months while mosquitos, black flies and other flying insects during the warmer months. I have a good arsenal of aides on hand at all times to help in this battle. Soleil is in good hands and will be here for many years to come to offer comfort and loving connection to anyone needing some motherly love. Don't worry, Soleil will ask for comfort in return! Nothing is free when it comes love from Mamacita. She has lots of itchy places needing scratched, especially her bum! Soleil also really appreciates having her cheeks scratched while she peers deeply into your soul with her ice blue eyes. One of my favourite things about Soleil is that still to this day she allows me to pick her up and cuddle her in my lap, just like when she was so new and tiny almost 6 years ago. They say the average life expectancy of a female goat is 15-17 years, with some on record living into their 20's! I haven't owned goats long enough to know what the average life expectancy of my herd will be, but I hope that for many years to come I have the constant, steady and loving presence of My Mamacita. With her by my side I am never lonely. Although she can't kiss my physical booboos, she does a damn good job of helping to heal the ones on the inside that are on my heart. <3 Happy Mother's Day!! Blessings, ~ Angee