Sitting down to write today feels very strange. I am coming out of a wonderful holiday spent with my close loved ones. This has been a Christmas, and a year for the record books for everyone. I am so grateful that I was able to spend it with my son Daniel, grandson Wylder, and boyfriend Fred. Many that I would normally share the holidays with were missing from my table this year. What an adjustment. Instead of our usual large gatherings, we enjoyed several video calls with family and loved ones. I was surprised, but it was a lot of fun, and definitely made them feel closer. I had insane high hopes for being able to host a large gathering for Christmas dinner and purchased a monster of a turkey (24 lbs!)in the fall in preparation of that. Well... we have a LOT of turkey leftovers now, which isn't a bad thing anyways in my opinion. As a way of keeping my mind off of dwelling over the fact that I couldn't be with everyone I wanted to, I spent the holidays baking and cooking up a storm for my trio of hungry men. My Christmas budget this year was non-existent, so I had to get creative. Gifts were either repurposed, handmade, or if I purchased something I tried to keep it local. Through my favourite online auction group, I was able to find some pretty incredible stuff, including finding a local woman who hand knitted scarves for my volunteers. We chose to celebrate our family Christmas on Boxing Day this year as my son has shared custody of my grandson. This gave my grandson two special mornings with both sides of his family, and some serious spoiling this year! If I was to express one thing I am most grateful for, it's that I was able to share in that special Christmas magic with Wylder this year. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of a toddler again was the greatest gift I could receive. His excitement, joy and his little voice saying "thank you Daddy!", "Oh! thank you Gramma!" for anything and everything. My most precious moment happened in a video call with my Pappy (Dad) in which Wylder said "Bye, love you Bumpa!", and I was able to see his touching reaction ❤ Precious memories are still able to be made, even when we are apart.
What a ride 2020 has been. Coming to the end of what has arguably been the hardest year of my life, I can't help but reflect back. You can't see how far you've come if you don't peek backwards from time to time. 2020 has been a year that none of us alive will ever forget. It is easy to look back with a negative lens and feel utterly defeated - especially if you're like me - a small business owner who has been forced to close it's doors once again. I'm working hard to turn my thoughts to the positive, and hanging onto the wonderful things I have learned from this challenging year. The more time I reflect on the positive, the far better I feel. 2020 was supposed to be the most incredible year for me. I officially opened my therapeutic farm and began taking my FEEL practice to my local community. Woodfield was also set to open officially for the first time, bringing two long standing projects forwards. Funny how life doesn't always go as planned. I am now closed for the second time since opening my doors and am faced with the fears associated with losing my source of income. I have a lot of mouths to feed here and that increases the pressure I feel exponentially. Giving into despair and fear would only set me farther back, so I vow to find a way through, keep my feet firmly grounded, and take this "break" for the benefit it will give me in slowing down and regrouping once more. Hang in there my friends, we've gotten this far! See you all again in 2021 ❤
With love and light,
Here it is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year. The skies are currently overcast but I hope they clear for me to see the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn tonight at sunset. Either way, I am happy that it gets closer to spring each day! What strange and interesting times we live in. We are a few days away from both a 2nd lockdown, and Christmas, for which I am very excited about it this year. My inner circle is very small but includes my son and grandson, so I am grateful to be able to spend the holidays with them. Everything is so magical to my grandson at the moment we are just focused on him and all the fun we will have. I am not looking forward to another lockdown as this means our doors must close also. My heart breaks for those who are forced to be alone this Christmas, and for the family I wish I could share it with. You are all in my hearts ❤
A week ago one of my goats, Sky River Meadows Goderich, fell coming out of the gate at dinner time and broke his leg. It was a horrible things to witness and I am just grateful that he wasn't injured even worse, considering the entire herd trampled over him. Fortunately we have a wonderful vet to rely on and Goderich should fully recover. He is in a full leg cast for the next 5 weeks until we can take the cast off and see how the bone has knitted. He will spend his time with his triplet siblings in his private boxstall to limit his activity and ensure he rests well. His sisters Rowena and Ariana seem more distressed than Goderich does, however that could be that he is on pain meds and pretty comfortable. My volunteers have been signing his cast and spending lots of extra time with him. Special thank you to my friend and vet Dr. Kelli Drost, of the Muskoka North Veterinary Services for all of her help putting Goderich back together. It gives me great peace of mind to know that my gang are well look after when they require special medical attention. Kelli has been helping my herd since the very beginning and I can't praise her enough for all she has done, and continues to do to support the health of the herd, so we can do our work .
Over the past week I have been enjoying posting photos to my social media accounts as "The 12 Goats of Christmas". As I know that not everyone is on social media, I wanted to also share these photos here to ensure everyone gets some extra Goaty Christmas cheer this year. I hope you enjoy looking at these photos as much as I do! May they bring a smile to your face and warmth to your heart. 💗
From all of us here at the farm, and from my family to yours, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May love and light shine through the darker days, and may you keep hope alive knowing that spring will always come. 🌞
OK, so I'm not going to beat around the bush - I'm angry and I'm struggling with my new reality. I've been angry since Friday and no matter how I try to process and flow with this anger, it doesn't want to move. Why am I angry? As of this morning, the District of Muskoka has moved into a RED Zone.. Seems simple right? Everyone must do their part? However, Muskoka is only a RED Zone now based on the numbers of covid in the Simcoe/Muskoka Health Unit - which predominantly means the City of Barrie. As of this writing, Muskoka has 9 active cases of confirmed covid currently and none are in the hospitals. So why are businesses in Muskoka being forced to shut their doors once again? To me it seems like lazy politics and bad decision making. For the time being, my business operations are having to adjust once again. I will do everything in my power to keep fighting. I am not willing to throw away 12 years of work and give in now. So now in order to be in compliance with the Province of Ontario, I can only now allow a max of 5 people on site at a time. I can only hope this restriction doesn't last long. I worry about the ability of many small businesses to be able to stay alive during this period. I have been trying to distract myself by filling my free time with decking the halls in the barn. For those who will be choosing to come to the farm for a visit over the holidays, you are in for a real treat! The magical glow inside the barn is enchanting when the full lights are turned off. I was attempting to make the barn feel more intimate and cozy for the colder months ahead, and I am not disappointed in the least! I literally have had to stop myself from stringing more lights. For safety, all of the lights in the barn are battery powered. I have to admit it is kind of tedious turning them all on and off each day, but I am admittedly obsessed with Christmas lights so don't mind one bit! So while I worry about the future of my farm through this prolonged pandemic, at least I can enjoy the cheer of the decorations while they are up.
I think my flock of hens has really sensed how stressed I am as well. They have been going out of their way to gift me with beautiful fresh eggs each day. Yesterday was a record with 5 eggs left by the ladies! This past week our Black Copper Marans have also decided it's time to start laying! We've collected 8 rich dark brown eggs so far that sure do stand out in contrast against the Bielefelder light brown eggs. If production keeps picking up, soon I will enough eggs to share with my neighbours. I never thought I would have taken to my hens (and rooster) the way I have but I am very glad they are here. I get a different kind of joy from spending time with them. I am sad that Attila has reached her maximum size for being able to perch comfortably on my shoulder though. Not only is she heavy but she is just a very large hen and I am not as big I once was. I have yet to catch Attila in the nesting boxes so am pretty sure she is the only Bielefelder not yet laying eggs. Why is it always the ones I spoil rotten that become the freeloaders around here? Regardless of how many eggs I get each day, I won't ever be able to go back to store bought eggs. The colour of the yolk, and the flavour of our home raised, loved eggs can't be beat!
I have been fairly silent on social media for the past 2 weeks. This was literally just so I could stay focused on my studies and not be distracted by world events while working through my next level of teachings. As a way of making up for the lack of recent posts, I decided yesterday to launch the "12 Goats of Christmas"! Each day between now and Christmas I will feature one of our beloved herd members on our Instagram and Facebook accounts. In case you are not on those platforms, I will share the same photos here on my weekly blog. What started yesterday with Carmela, continued today with Vanilla. I hope you enjoy these photos, and that they bring a smile to your heart in these troubling times. Hang in there my friends. With love ~ Angee
Ease. This is what I am now working to bring into my life. When I woke this morning, I stepped into a new path in my life. Trying on anything new feels strange at first, whether that is adopting a new wellness practice, workout routine, starting a new job, or in my case, coming home from an extraordinary 3-day workshop in my shamanic studies. I gained so much insight into myself that before coming home I made a sacred vow to myself to adopt some immediate changes in my life starting this morning. This past weekend was one of the most incredibly magical and powerful, transformative experiences of my life. I am humbled and honoured to study with some of the most amazingly courageous and authentic people, other brave, searching souls looking to find meaning and understanding in their own lives. When I started this journey I had no idea how deep I would be willing to go. With each teaching that I receive, I slowly work to unfold the mystery of Who I Am, and Why Am I Here.
Ease. Pause. Breathe. Be Still. Reflect. Soft. Let Go. Flow with Ease.
These were just some of the loving, whispered messages I received while working with my horse teachers through some incredible personal reflective exercises over the weekend. I hope the echo in my heart remains from these incredible exchanges, and that I don't convince myself that it never happened. Journaling has become a very importance piece for this reason. One of the most amazing things you can do for yourself is to step outside of your own comfort zone and to explore the areas in your own life that may be leading you out of balance. With each lesson I go through, another missing piece of the puzzle is found. This past weekend I found the courage to look deep within myself to explore why I set such ridiculous expectations on myself. The things I learned have shaken me to my core and I was shown how limited my remaining years would be if I did not stop this cycle of self abuse through overworking. These new discoveries will take me some time to fully process and for that very reason I am choosing to head this very important advice and for the time being just flow with ease. I am forever grateful to my community of brothers and sisters who so willingly take on every personal challenge alongside me, so that we can support each other fully through these processes. I came away from the weekend with a new direction, a fresh outlook, direct focus to what I need to do for myself to continue towards my goals, and a brand new Totem Animal to add to my growing menagerie. Welcome Moes, the black Dragon who has come forward to be my Warrior Animal, joining my Power Animal the Wolf, and Birth Animal the Sturgeon. The gifts and power of these guides help me to better understand myself. To my horse teachers of the weekend, Contendor and Juliette, as well as the rest of the HSC herd, thank you for the beautiful love and wisdom you shared. To my human teachers Andre and Janis, words will never express the love and gratitude I have for you both being a very important part of my life. To my brothers and sisters of Wisdom Circles, I am so looking forward to the taking the next step in this incredible journey with you all. With deepest, loving gratitude ~ Angee ❤🎇