Sitting down to write today feels very strange. I am coming out of a wonderful holiday spent with my close loved ones. This has been a Christmas, and a year for the record books for everyone. I am so grateful that I was able to spend it with my son Daniel, grandson Wylder, and boyfriend Fred. Many that I would normally share the holidays with were missing from my table this year. What an adjustment. Instead of our usual large gatherings, we enjoyed several video calls with family and loved ones. I was surprised, but it was a lot of fun, and definitely made them feel closer. I had insane high hopes for being able to host a large gathering for Christmas dinner and purchased a monster of a turkey (24 lbs!)in the fall in preparation of that. Well... we have a LOT of turkey leftovers now, which isn't a bad thing anyways in my opinion. As a way of keeping my mind off of dwelling over the fact that I couldn't be with everyone I wanted to, I spent the holidays baking and cooking up a storm for my trio of hungry men. My Christmas budget this year was non-existent, so I had to get creative. Gifts were either repurposed, handmade, or if I purchased something I tried to keep it local. Through my favourite online auction group, I was able to find some pretty incredible stuff, including finding a local woman who hand knitted scarves for my volunteers. We chose to celebrate our family Christmas on Boxing Day this year as my son has shared custody of my grandson. This gave my grandson two special mornings with both sides of his family, and some serious spoiling this year! If I was to express one thing I am most grateful for, it's that I was able to share in that special Christmas magic with Wylder this year. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of a toddler again was the greatest gift I could receive. His excitement, joy and his little voice saying "thank you Daddy!", "Oh! thank you Gramma!" for anything and everything. My most precious moment happened in a video call with my Pappy (Dad) in which Wylder said "Bye, love you Bumpa!", and I was able to see his touching reaction ❤ Precious memories are still able to be made, even when we are apart.
What a ride 2020 has been. Coming to the end of what has arguably been the hardest year of my life, I can't help but reflect back. You can't see how far you've come if you don't peek backwards from time to time. 2020 has been a year that none of us alive will ever forget. It is easy to look back with a negative lens and feel utterly defeated - especially if you're like me - a small business owner who has been forced to close it's doors once again. I'm working hard to turn my thoughts to the positive, and hanging onto the wonderful things I have learned from this challenging year. The more time I reflect on the positive, the far better I feel. 2020 was supposed to be the most incredible year for me. I officially opened my therapeutic farm and began taking my FEEL practice to my local community. Woodfield was also set to open officially for the first time, bringing two long standing projects forwards. Funny how life doesn't always go as planned. I am now closed for the second time since opening my doors and am faced with the fears associated with losing my source of income. I have a lot of mouths to feed here and that increases the pressure I feel exponentially. Giving into despair and fear would only set me farther back, so I vow to find a way through, keep my feet firmly grounded, and take this "break" for the benefit it will give me in slowing down and regrouping once more. Hang in there my friends, we've gotten this far! See you all again in 2021 ❤
With love and light,