My lessons in self love...

Angee, August 8th 2020, age 44.

When I was younger, and admittedly even up until recently, I truly believed that we were supposed to love others, but not ourselves.  Let me tell you how wrong I was.  I now know that if you don't love yourself you aren't able to love another.  It starts with ourselves.  We are all raised by the people who are in our environment as children.   Our minds are shaped by our experiences, good or bad, just as the lessons we are taught by those around us.  Children learn from everyone and everything, starting from their parents and siblings, down to neighbours and friendly faces in the community.  We are all surrounded by others who have also been shaped by their own experiences and influences.  What if some of the things being taught and passed down  are based off of incorrect perception, assumptions etc?  So what happens if thought patterns and behaviours had been shared and taught through multiple generations?  It seems to me that you get a lot of confused individuals, impacting each other with their thoughts, emotions and energy, and not necessarily in constructive or supportive ways.  This is why SELF LOVE needs to be the first step in finding your true self.  By protecting and nurturing ourselves first, we can do a much better job of supporting and nurturing those we love.  I don't know at what point in my life I stopped loving myself, but I do know when I learned that I didn't.  For me it was meeting a FEEL horse named Northern Lady during a private session at Horse Spirit Connections.  That incredible mare, who I am sad to say recently passed away, looked me dead in the eye that day and spoke directly into my heart.  She asked me, "Why don't you love yourself?"  Honestly until that point I didn't realize that I didn't, nor did I realize that I should.  That was when I enrolled in the FEEL Certification program and began a journey home to myself.  Every single day since my program started in April 2018, this has been my journey.  The struggle is real and most days I think I still lose the battle and don't put myself first, but I am getting better at this each and every day.  I made a very serious commitment to myself after ending my last long term relationship and that was to always love myself first.  I even got a tattoo this past December on my ring finger, in small letters "ME", as a constant reminder to never forget that self loves comes before all else.

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Vermillion River, Chelmsford ON

So I turned 44 this past weekend.  Not sure if that's a milestone, but for me it is the year I really began to love and honour myself.  Covid has taken so much away from all of us.  I try instead to focus on the good that is coming from it in my life.  For me, this time has helped me to really connect with myself.  Without those weeks in isolation I may not have really committed to learning to love myself every day.  For me that is remembering to eat - something I am very bad at - but eating healthy when I do.  Also, taking time for the things I truly enjoy, that fill my heart.  I had to make a list because I had actually forgotten what I used to do to make me feel happy.  I also ensure I exercise everyday, my active lifestyle ensures I don't have to work hard at that.   Taking time to care for and nurture my body, mind and soul through meditation, music and ceremony is also essential for me.  This past weekend I did something that I wasn't sure I would be capable of doing - I went away for the weekend and left others in charge at the farm.  This is an absolute must for self love - taking time for yourself - something I don't do, and so I made myself do it!  Volunteers were here to ensure guests were looked after and that weekend Goat Yoga with Caprine Vibes was a success.  I went camping and my phone was incapable of getting even a weak signal.  I stressed - I don't think I will ever NOT stress while away from home, but I managed to have an amazing weekend.  I started seeing someone new a couple of months ago and this past weekend we escaped together to a remote property his family has on the Vermillion River north of Sudbury, ON.  This was exactly the kind of break I needed to recharge from the endless weeks of 18 hour days.  There was no sound but the animals in the forest around us.  I was able to spend hours on the river kayaking, which is one of my happy places.  This river is so much fun to explore!  The pace it flows at ensure you don't even have to paddle, but can just float and meditate.  Thank you Fred for sharing such an amazing place with me that is dear to your heart, and for an amazing birthday weekend! <3  I can't wait to go back again.  

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This past week on the farm has been exciting, as per usual, with loads going on.  One of the highlights for me was witnessing my friend Amanda stand in her power and lead her first Goat Yoga classes.  The energy and vibe of her class, combined with her soothing voice and great music choices seemed to bring something very unique to her class offering.  On Saturday she ran her second class and from what I here it was also a great success!  I look forward to these ongoing classes and hope to be able to catch a class myself sometime soon.  Currently Amanda is offering classes each Wednesday evening at 7pm and on select weekend mornings.  You can find all of the information on her classes and how to register on her Caprine Vibes website.

In last week's blog, I mentioned that we were fortunate enough to have been given the use of some farm machinery to get our hay in.  Well, unfortunately the tractor is in much need of servicing so is now in the shop and may not actually make it back in time to use for cutting the hay.  So, the search continues for a tractor and tonight I am on the road to Newmarket in the hopes that I will find what we need and at a good price.  This year has been challenging enough, and bringing in the winter's hay is essential for any farmer's peace of mind.  Knowing there is a barn loft full of hay to keep everyone fed through winter is one of the best feelings in the world.  Right now, the alternative would be to purchase our hay for the winter again and honestly this is not a good option when we have 320 acres of hay to be cut.  Hey, if anyone reading this knows of a tractor for sale for a good price let me know! :)

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J'aime getting her Goat Yoga on, sis and volunteer Bailey on poo patrol!

The past several weeks here have seen a huge amount of change and transformation to the look of the website and also the structure of operations here.  This is all due to the amazing gift, talent and advice being given to me by J'aime Payne of Breeze Business Management.  Adding J'aime to my team has allowed me to create a new business model that will allow us to sustain during these challenging times, but also to allow us to reach more people and in the most impactful ways.  I think I am most grateful for the passion and heart that J'aime possesses which really partners well with my own.  Creating my vision with her guidance, has even rejuvenated my own inspiration for why I wanted to build this special place.  I could sing J'aime praises ALL DAY LONG!  Not only does she handle the things that stress me out, but she does it with actual JOY and EASE.  She has literally shown me that it is possible to run a farm, a business and still have a life.  Oh, and did I happen to mention she is VERY affordable!!!  I assure you, if you have a business that is in need of some spark and energy, please consider checking out Breeze Business Management.  It has been the best business decision I have made to date.   Call her, you won't be disappointed!

Well, for another week I need to sign off.  I am off to see a man about a tractor.  Send good luck and energy my way!  I need a quick and easy solution to this tractor problem so we can get to the serious business of getting this hay off the fields.  Hopefully by this time next week I will check back in with good news and pictures of another sexy tractor :) 

with love,  ~ Angee

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