Welcome to the month of October! We are in the midst of the fall colour display here in Muskoka, and this year Mother Nature has given us a STUNNING show of her true beauty. No matter where I look currently, I am dazzled and inspired. The temperatures are staying colder and we have had several heavy frosts recently. No doubt that winter is not far now. I watch for signs and confirmations each year and one very telling sign to me that winter is not far off is a sudden increase in hay consumption by the herd. Generally simultaneous with this increase in hay demand, the telltale bushy cheeks start to pop out on the adorable faces in the herd. More fuel must be burned in order to grow a bushy, warm winter coat. I take advantage of the freedom to graze the herd as much as I can at this time of year to compensate. Once the snow comes, the goats have no interest in exploring outdoors until spring.
Another busy week has passed on the farm with many lovely families coming to visit with the herd. Each day I am filled with pride for the loving way my herd greets each group. The herd always brings out whatever energy our visitors need most. If they need quite cuddles, or playful entertainment, the herd is always in tune and ready to provide. I am able to admit that I am whole-heartedly addicted to my job. Each face the herd and I meet leaves with an incredible smile upon their face and such gratitude in their hearts. This is the best job I can ever imagine doing, with nothing but positive outcomes all around. The word GRATEFUL just doesn't cut it. Instead I up my game and move to the realm of GRATEFULNESS. Here is a quote I adore that really resonates with me;
"Positive thinking says the glass is half-full. Dour thinking says it is half-empty. Gratitude helps us to better enjoy whatever is in the glass. But gratefulness can help us focus more intently on the radical fact of having a glass at all, making the most of the glass we have, and on ensuring that those around us have a glass as well." ~ Kristi Nelson
I bring this up because I am working my way through a personal struggle right now, and am holding to my reminders. Staying positive, remaining focused on all the good in my life, practicing gratefulness, showing appreciation and practicing diligent self-love will get me through this challenging time.
One thing that I have learned in life, is that you can't become too complacent. Don't assume that one day to the next, things won't change. I get so focused on my work and doing so many different things that I always seem to forget to take care of myself. The universe determined to send me a message a few days ago that was too loud for me to ignore - I'm listening now, INTENTLY. I guess I have allowed myself to get run down. Mentally, emotionally and physically I am exhausted from the effects of 2020. I haven't been taking as good of care of myself as I know I should be. I am losing weight again and have some health concerns but overall I have convinced myself that "I'm fine" and have been ignoring the subtle signs of weakening. So what happened was that I received a phone call that under normal circumstances would not have fazed me. This time however, it had an effect I was completely unprepared for, proving my weakened state. An abuser from my childhood suddenly and without warning came crashing back into my existence. How dare this person ask about me at all? Haven't you already done enough harm? My life was thrown into a mini tailspin over the weekend, but I am settled and solid on the ground once again. That's twice in two weeks that tyrants from my past have tried to knock me down. You've both failed. I just want you to know that. I am a phoenix! I have powerful aides and guides to steady me.
I won't direct any energy towards being focused on the past, but instead continue to move forward. This was a powerful reminder to me though and once again I am grateful for the lesson. LOVE Hold love in your heart and be patient until you find your way back to yourself. Sure, I could chose to send hate and hurtful energy towards those who choose to persecute me, but what would that solve for me? Holding onto anger and hate will only prove to diminish me, and will do absolutely nothing to them. I fully believe in the power of karma. I don't have to react in a way that lessens my vibration. To do so only harms myself. I choose instead to patiently hold onto love until I heal again. I know some of you will judge me. We all get judged, it's nothing new. Your judgement has no effect on me unless I allow it to. Your judgement doesn't make it factual, free from assumption or guilt. The difference between you and me, is that I'm not hung up on the past, but have risen above it as a powerful warrior of love, sharing a beautiful message. You however, are clearly being haunted by your past choices. Is that why you reached out? Did you do something to me that haunts you to this day? I've felt that, I was haunted for years. I wonder how different your version looks that plays through your head. Bet it's hard to watch now. Does it keep you up at night? It used to keep me up at night too. None of that matters to me anymore. No more flashbacks, haunting memories, no more terror filled dreams. My wounds have healed and my body is stronger than ever before. Did you know I found the positive in this between us as well? Yes, and I want to thank you for teaching me how to become who I am today. A few of you have had a big part in molding and shaping me, but the one thing none of you could ever do was to teach me about love. Well I now live a life so full of love that some days I don't even think my life is real. I am surrounded by unconditional love and acceptance and have no need to dwell in the past. My herd empowers and inspires me to continue to do this work, as do the many beautiful smiles I get to see every day. My path and choices led me here. Where did yours lead you I wonder? (I don't really wonder, nor think about you at all, just so you know)
In order to continue moving forward, I occasionally look at where I came from and see just how far I've come. In the years since I chose to live a life filled with love, compassion and kindness, the blessings continue to pour in. I have a wonderful family consisting of both blood and non blood relations that is my true tribe. I have a wonderful and loving herd at my back, eager to work with me each day. I live in the most beautiful place in the world, have a great roof over my head, food in fridge and love in my heart. Honestly, what more could I possibly need in my life? If for some reason you think I'm not happy, you might want to think again. I have everything I could ever need. 💗 ~ Angee